Posts Tagged ‘love’

Thoughts on senior dating

10 March 2021

As my readers may or may not be aware, starting mid-January I have been using several dating sites in an attempt to find some women who would be willing to share some of their time with me.

This is basically the first time in my life that I have attempted anything like this. I am finding it very instructional.

About 1/3 of the U.S. population are single adults. There might be about 1/4 of these caused by divorce and 1/8 of these caused by death of spouse. There are also increasing numbers adopting single living as a way of life.

What I see on the dating sites are mostly a mix of divorced and widowed women. There are a few older women who never married, and when I run across them, I sometimes ask them for their story. My own story may be pieced together from other posts on this blog.

What this means is that a significant number of women I am meeting on line have men in their lives that they used to be married to. They might even be sharing their kids with the guy, to give the kids a chance to spend some time with both their biological parents. I walk into these lives with a combination of no experience with marriage plus my Scientology training, and whether I “fall in love” with her or not, my first impulse is often to see if I can solve or patch up the divorce.

My Scientology training includes what LRH calls the Third Party Law. There is a link to this on my “Shorts” page.

This law states that for a conflict to persist, a third party must be present and actually promoting it.

I get to know some of these women, and find evidence for the existence of third parties in their lives who might have contributed to the breakup of their marriage.

In a situation like that, what’s the ethical thing to do? “Take advantage” of the situation and try to step in as their new boyfriend? Or step back and see if I can help them sort things out and patch the marriage back together?

Either way, with my training I realize that a lot of these broken marriages are being caused by poor decisions fed by bad data on the subject of human relations. Scientology is all about human relations. Most people would benefit from studying it.

The bigger picture

Many commentators and observers, including Hubbard, believe that human culture is under attack in order to weaken it prior to a political takeover. These attacks would certainly include attacks on the traditional family structure.

There is considerable difference of opinion about exactly which social movements or trends are part of this attack:

  1. Feminism/birth control/abortions. Most liberals think that giving women a place in society more on a par with men is a good thing. This has, however, led to breakdowns in traditional child raising structures and moral questions concerning promiscuity and unwanted pregnancies.
  2. Gender issues. “Gender” has come to be defined as one’s attitude about one’s sexual identity. “Sex” now means biological forms and structures. In the absence of any concept of Spirit, I think allowing kids to choose a different gender from their sex is confusing and dangerous for everyone involved. There could be spiritual realities behind such a choice, but if this is not known and explored, it leads the kids to think that they are just the effect of their genes.
  3. Demasculinization of men. There are studies that point to various factors that are decreasing male testosterone levels. This has to do mostly with various man-made substances introduced into our environment. Some think this was done on purpose as part of this cultural attack. It seems to be resulting in more gender confusion and lower sperm counts among men. There are also increasing complaints of erectile dysfunction.
  4. Legal frameworks that tend to “reward” single mothers. These laws have led to an interesting “male rights” movement. They involve various biases or favoritism regarding who gets custody, who owes child support, and how welfare payments are handled.
  5. Psychoactive and other medications. There are many medications which create emotional side effects like irritability, depression, or even violence. These effects could definitely harm a marriage, and are pernicious because they are often assigned to other causes.
  6. Attacks on religion. Religions have been the traditional custodians of family values. If this and other benefits of religious communities are overlooked by the secularists, then their push against churches could lead to extensive cultural decay.

Brave new world

Some believe that a techno-space dystopia is inevitable on Earth. This could come to pass.

But it has been noted by researchers like Hubbard that we on Earth are particularly averse to corporate slavery. That is why we are here on Earth and no longer driving space ships around the galaxy. We didn’t agree with the worlds we were kicked out of; why should we be any different now?

In fact, the population seems nearly evenly split. A huge number seem fine with corporate slavery and the “safety” that results, and the rest despise it to varying degrees.

But I think it is safe to say that the corporate bosses will not leave us alone about this. They are too profit-motivated to let an entire planet of 7 billion people do as it pleases. So it looks like we have a fight on our hands.

May your relationships stay strong and your love powerful! We’re going to need it.

Endless Yearning

3 March 2021

Endless my yearning
To be with you in Ch’ang-an.


Faraway, where chirping crickets
thread autumn songs
around the well’s gold rail,
coldly I sit, cramped
on a bamboo mat
crusted with blue frost.

Dim is the light from my only lamp,
darkly ablaze my longing for you.
Lifting the curtain, I stare

hard at the moon.
Helplessly, I sigh and sigh, longing
to smell the flower-scent of a woman
who dwells far from me
as the remotest cloud at sky’s end.

Above, the night climbs
into boundless black.
Below, the river tosses up
billows of darkest green.

Must heaven be so high?
Earth so vast?

Between them, my unfed soul
flies over a road that even in my dreams
is blocked at every mountain pass.

This endless yearning
Breaks my heart!

Li Bai, about 750 A.D. as translated by Stanton Hager in 2018

Seven Daffodils

2 March 2021

Seven golden daffodils, shining in the sun
They light our way to evening, when the day is done
And I can give you music, and a crust of bread
A pillow of piney boughs to rest your head

Limeliters

Help

22 January 2021

I searched in vain among my own photographs for an image conveying the action of helping. I had to resort to the work of other photographers to find any.

Is the simple action of helping really that rare in my recorded experience? Dare I say … yes?

30 years ago

It was about thirty years ago that my mother died. I remember getting the call from my dad, who was in the hospital, as he had been hurt in the accident, too.

I was 36. I was working in a half-basement office on a special project for my church. We were busy all day long. But my supervisor let me go out and take a walk after I got the call, and I said goodbye to Mom as best I could.

It didn’t hit me right away. And it never really hit that hard. But finally I realized that Mom had been standing in as my closest female friend for all those years. And now she wouldn’t be able to do that any more. I needed to find a new close friend.

But, that’s not the point of this post. The simple fact is that, for one reason or another, I began to get more emotional after Mom passed. And it got to the point where I pissed off people every once in a while. And when that happened, I would really wish I had someone to talk to. But no one really ever showed up.

A promise

So I made a promise to myself, that if the tables ever turned and I could see that someone I knew was upset and could use some company, I’d do my best to take a break and be there for them.

Well, I did occasionally run into someone waiting for a bus or sitting on a train who appreciated an attentive ear. But the only extreme situations I ran into in later years were after the fires and hurricanes that have been part of life, and that I helped with relief efforts on in 2018. And though there was some emotional suffering involved, my task was to help clean up the physical destruction so that the person or family or church could start over.

I started co-auditing in 2019. It was a real challenge for me, but the emotions were not usually that extreme.

Then came the lockdowns.

The tables turn back

My new young friend got hit very hard last summer by some difficult events. But she has been determined (!!!) to sort through it herself. I have extended my hand in every way I could think of. But it was only OK, or so it seemed to me, if it was her helping me, and then only when she could spare some time. She told me she was suffering, but she never asked for my help. I told her I was suffering and I did ask for her help, but not too emphatically, because I knew she was suffering more.

Yep. It was me, again, who needed help. And it was me, again, who was having a hard time finding any. Well, it was my promise, wasn’t it? It wasn’t anyone else’s promise to me.

I’ve been reading that the isolation has been hitting people pretty hard. The ones who failed for some reason to have a sufficient support network in place before this all went down. And that’s the way it is, isn’t it? In this society anyway. We’re all expected to take care of ourselves. It’s not exactly the case that anyone (like parents) stands around and makes sure this happens. But that is what’s expected. And it’s best that way, isn’t it? Stiff upper lip and all that. We worship the rugged individual, don’t we? Especially in the U.S.

Well, I don’t feel much like being a rugged individual any more, if I ever did. I cry every night and plead to my friend’s ex-Teddy Bear to help me get some real human company back into my life.

It seems to me that it wouldn’t be that difficult, if you knew that a friend – even an acquaintance – was alone and suffering, to arrange to come over and visit, or take regular walks with them. Or something!

More images of help – all animals

Since when are animals better at helping each other than human beings? How did it get that way?

Plus this girl, who was working at a clinic for injured raptors…

Help!

Two Bags of Gifts

23 December 2020

I have for you two bags of gifts. Both are given freely. But one of them you must reach for.

The first bag contains my love. It is unconditional and lasts forever. It is yours whether you want it or not! The door to my love is always open. It is always offered to you. It cannot be shut.

The other bag contains knowledge, wisdom and pleasure. These are all things you must decide about. They are offered on the condition that you reach, that you decide you want them. There is some risk in reaching for these things. And to benefit from these things you must be willing to commit a certain amount of time and energy. So reaching for them takes some courage.

Fear

Why would anyone not want knowledge, wisdom and pleasure?

What a grand mystery of life! There must be some fear connected to these things. Yes, sad but true, there is.

Knowledge is feared for the responsibilities it puts on your shoulders. You are likely to feel shame if you gain knowledge then never use it to help others, or never even offer it.

Wisdom is feared for the success it brings. How audacious for any human being to think he could succeed in the face of death! How awful to laugh at death for the pale and tiny menace that it actually is! How bold to suggest that we could be winners in the games of life! In the end we are all supposed to lose, aren’t we?

Pleasure is feared for its affirmation of the supremacy of life over the merely physical. There is only pleasure in survival. There is only pain in the failure to survive. How dare we assert our desire to survive! How dare we insist that the games of life must continue, in spite of all signs and warning flags that they are too dangerous to be played! How dare we enjoy living!

Fear is ever-present around us. It is like a virus that can infect anyone. Some become infected and totally succumb to the infection. While they survive they are the “criminals” of society. They lie, they cheat, they steal. They work all day and all night to bring others down to their level. They are afraid of everyone around them, for no good reason. They are convinced that no one else can be trusted, that they have no choice but to be what they have become and act like they do. They are insane.

The rest of us must deal with these ones, the totally lost, and as well with our own lesser sicknesses. Most of us want to do right and don’t want to do wrong or hurtful things. Some of us, though, succumb at times to the illness. We let our fears ruin things that are valuable to us. Our passions, our marriages, our ways of living, our friendships – our lives – can all be destroyed if we let in too much fear.

Some of us let fear into our lives in the form of someone else gone crazy with it. If we don’t recognize when this happens and act accordingly, our lives can easily be ruined. Our health can fail, our bodies can become broken by accidents and injuries and sicknesses, our good friends and our great loves can be stolen from us.

Courage

Though courage has been described in many ways, what it amounts to is the willingness to face Fear and work to conquer it. It is the willingness to “get well” in spite of all temptations, all reasons why, one should stay sick.

It is the ability to see Fear warn you against doing something pro-survival and to disagree with that warning.

Courage begins with recognizing fear for the false protector that it is, then to use knowledge, wisdom and pleasure to rid your life of it.

Courage broadens and deepens as you walk out into the world and embolden others to face up to their fears and defeat them.

Your courage may not be rewarded with praise or thanks. But it will be rewarded with happiness, with friendship, and with a sense of self that can become unshakably strong. Your courage can help you to manifest your love more completely, more unconditionally. And that is what you, your loved ones, your groups, your species, your ecosystem, your universe, your Spirit and your God need the most from you.

Your love is ever-present. With courage it manifests and becomes more and more powerful.

Don’t deprive this world of your love! Use courage to conquer your fears! And help me bring life fully back to our universe!

There are two bags of gifts offered you today. You may choose either, both, or none. What will be your choice?

Memento of Love

7 December 2020

While protestors were beginning to face off next to the Capitol Building for an afternoon of name-calling, I spent a friendly hour in a nearby park with a young mother and her two wonderful boys.

She fashioned this little bracelet for me out of clover flowers and tied it to my wrist. I wore it proudly for the rest of the afternoon.

Emotional Maturity

7 December 2020

Shit happens.

Are you big enough to take responsibility for your own fears, doubts and worries, or must you find someone or something else to hold responsible when you get upset?

When lack of data produces worry, can you find ways to seek out that data or fill in the gaps that don’t invalidate those who withheld it from you? They may not have been fully aware of your need.

Are you prepared for the possibility that a sociopath is interfering with your communication lines, and may be purposely seeking to upset you without the person who you are in communication with realizing it?

Do you know how to detect and handle such interference in your life and relationships?

Can you be true to your own decency?

Can you maintain your love in spite of all invitations not to?

Did you know this is the greatest secret in this universe?

“We are all subject to the same cruel pressures of this universe.”

“Never use what is done to one as a basis for hatred. Never desire revenge.”

“After all, we are all in the same trap.”

The Kitten Dream

3 December 2020

This dream happened very fast. It was just flashes of images. This story fleshes it out a little bit.

A little kitten finds its way into my apartment.

It sort of hangs out quietly for about a week.

Next it decides it’s safe to explore, and begins to go around the place and sniff and jump up on stuff.

About a week after that, it finds me sitting at my desk, jumps up and attacks my hand with its sharp teeth.

I shake off the image and ask myself: What was this kitten’s problem?

The answer I got: I forgot to feed it!

My sister’s cat Easter.

Lesson learned from this dream:

Not everyone you meet is capable of walking up to you and simply stating what they need and want from you.

You might need to show some real interest in the person, and then coax this out of them.

Or maybe you just have to guess based on how they are behaving.

Corollary:

A friend in trouble might not feel comfortable telling you straight up what they want from you, even though you think this would be something they would share.

Try to find out; it could be important!

Short Story

25 November 2020

Once upon a time, a boy and girl fell in love. They seemed perfect for each other. They enjoyed their times together in a calm and simple way that no one else seemed to notice or care about. He pledged to her that they would spend their lives together. But he was only a little boy. How could he keep this promise?

Sure enough, one day his parents announced to the family that they would be moving to a land far away, where Father had found work. The boy’s attention went off his friends as the excitement of the move filled his days. And then the family was gone from that place, and the boy found himself living in a new town, thousands of miles away.

The little girl wondered where her friend had gone, and cried. But eventually, the busyness of life restored her spirit, and she made new friends and continued on.

Meanwhile, the little boy had become fascinated and captivated by his new surroundings. The town he had moved to was older than the one he had left, and the climate there was much different. As the winter’s snows melted from the lawns of his family’s new house, the boy, aware that he needed new friends, made many attempts to play with the girls he met at school, as he had done where he used to live.

But the children here had been raised differently, and the girls he met all dismissed him. He did not get discouraged at first, but then one night as he slept, the face of his former best friend appeared to him, smiling calmly as she always had. And he realized that not only would he never see her again, but that he had not had a chance to say goodbye.

And so, lifetimes of unkept promises pressed their full weight upon his emotions, and he began to cry. He cried for what seemed like hours. At first, it seemed he was crying only for his lost love. But then it became more obvious that he was crying for all those unkept promises, indeed, for all the tragedies of his fragile world, and of all the worlds that had existed before it.

Sixty years passed.

Though his world survived, it showed it weaknesses at every turn of the planet around its axis. And a boy and girl again fell in love. The boy was, perhaps, the same boy. His body was bigger, and his skin had wrinkled. His belly had grown a bit too large, and his ability to run freely and laugh with his friends had diminished. And yet, he had, again, fallen in love.

He and his new friend spent many mornings together talking. Their concerns were now the concerns of “adults” and no longer the trifling concerns of children, made large and important only by their imaginations. These were real concerns of real importance. At least, that’s how they saw it.

And then a disaster befell the land, as will happen in our fragile worlds, and the two who so cared about each other were separated. Amid the distractions of the moment, the boy forgot about his new friend. He had assumed that she was safe and cared for, though he actually had no idea. But then a man who was part of his community mentioned to him that his friend had been sent away. Where had she gone? Was she in fact safe? How were her children doing? And her parents, brothers and sisters?

He guessed that she had returned to the place where her family lived. It was too far away for him to travel there, but this world had communication devices that made it possible to stay connected even so. And though he now regretted that his kind had, thousands of years ago, lost the ability to connect with each other directly, he used the tools he had at his disposal to try to find her and reestablish contact.

This was a difficult struggle for him. It involved many new tears, and he often wondered why exactly this seemed so important to him, and why he was crying so much.

And then one day, a message from her appeared on the screen of his device. He answered it impulsively, then sat in his chair and cried some more. She had promised to meet with him and let him know all that had happened to her since the disaster had separated them. When the appointed day arrived, he sent her a short message. But she did not respond. Later in the day, he left a voice message urging her to at least have a brief meeting with him. Still no response. He went out and walked around his neighborhood, as had become his recent habit. He found some cheer in the little children’s laughing and taunting of their parents, excited about the winter holiday festivities that were quickly approaching. And yet, his friend did not reply. That evening he sent another message, forgiving her, and reassuring her that he would be very happy to hear from her in any form, at any time.

That night the boy (man?) went to bed with a troubled heart. What was keeping him apart from his new friend? She seemed fearful of something. What was it? And then he recalled the friendship that he had broken sixty years earlier, through his own over-excitement in anticipating a new experience. It was his own carelessness that had ruined (had it?) the most precious friendship he had known that lifetime. And now he was prepared to put the responsibility for his difficulty at reconnecting on the shoulders of his new friend! What folly! He cried again, most heavily, realizing his own complicity in his own heartbreak.

He arose that morning weary, but ready to face the new day. He did indeed live in a fragile world. But that fragility, it seemed clear now, was of his own creation.

Troop Zero

28 September 2020

During my stay on Amazon Prime, mostly watching old seasons of Stargate SG-1, the website was insistently promoting a newer Amazon production called Troop Zero. So, I finally watched it.

Troop Zero is unconvincingly set in the South of the late 1970s, when Jimmy Carter was President and NASA was preparing to send out Voyagers 1 and 2, both of which included a “golden record.” The protagonist, a girl named Christmas Flint, hears about the NASA project to record children’s voices for the record and decides to become a Birdie scout so she can have a shot at getting her message to “them out there.”

As is common in modern stories, particularly comedies, every important character is portrayed as in some way dysfunctional. For the purposes of the story, all characters fall into two groups: the mean, strangely gifted, but emotionally stupid colonizers, and the kind – and so, oppressed – normal folk. In the context of their tiny town, Wiggly, they somehow get along with each other. But the oppressed are crippled in various ways that make them “losers” while the colonizers are crippled in ways that make them “winners.”

Christmas’ troop includes three broken little girls, one made permanently antagonistic by some unknown turn of fate in her past, another made permanently angry and destructive, another, with one bad eye, who is a devout Christian but is scared of everybody, along with a little boy (Joseph) who likes to act like a girl. Christmas’ father is a lawyer, failed because he prefers to defend poor people who are guilty of petty crimes. His office assistant wanted to be a lawyer but let her career be derailed by getting mixed up with some sort of pervert. Their best friend is a kleptomaniac.

The story conveys a sort of Jungian inevitability in life, relieved only by momentary and usually failed attempts to break out of it and retake control. These themes are very obvious in Western (particularly U.S.) literature and art today and I think deserve more attention, which I might venture to qualify as loving attention.

Who wrote this story?

The movie was directed by Bert and Bertie and written by Lucy Alibar. Bert and Bertie are a female team of writer/directors. Bert’s “real” name is Amber Finlayson. She was born in South Africa and operates out of the UK. Bertie’s real name is Katie Ellwood, and she is from the UK. They are both young, fairly new on the scene, and are a part of why this film is the way it is. Lucy is a young American woman who grew up in Florida. The story is a little bit autobiographical.

These young women post very little about themselves and their influences on their websites. Lean and mean.

Lucy did interviews after her big film release Beasts of the Southern Wild. She is a very smart woman who has been into theater for a long time. She has been working out of New York where she used to work as a waitress until she became better-known as a writer. She seems quite sane. Dad was a lawyer, mom an artist. She isn’t cool with social media and she likes to do yoga.

Bert and Bertie have also done interviews. They are into “magical realism” and the idea of misfits having the moral high ground, or at least being more interesting than regular folks. In the interview I saw, the young star made this point emphatically. This is a big deal for her generation, a really big deal.

People need love

When I was growing up my parents described themselves to me as “misfits” because they were liberal atheists. Then I was a “misfit” for refusing to go to college, learn to drive, get married, and stay away from Scientology. So, where was the love? And now our kids are up in arms because the same shit is still there and doesn’t seem to be getting any better, and they have no idea how to cope, because if we learned, we forgot to tell them. But I think most of us never learned. We need to love our kids.

We are in a situation now where we are experiencing some setbacks as the forces of good and evil battle for domination over our planet. (I know that sounds over-dramatic, but it is almost literally true!)

My generation, and those a little older than me, came up through a very easy and prosperous time for the West, while it sent its agents out raping and pillaging around the rest of the world. Now we are getting some of that “karma” back and we are acting all confused. We didn’t prepare our sons and daughters for this (We didn’t believe in karma! Too unscientific!) and now they don’t know what to tell their sons and daughters. So we have the wackos who have been predicting this the whole time now controlling the narrative, basically, and we don’t like it.

So, like, where’s the love? Does is really take a Buddha or a Jesus or a Hubbard to remind us that we need to love our neighbors? Well, maybe is does.

While the Right rants on about Critical Race Theory and the Left rants on about how “fascist” the “colonizers” have become, the real sociopaths sit back and lick their chops. We can either learn to show some love and understanding over what’s been going down on this planet, or we can fight to the death.

Which would you prefer? I know which choice the sociopaths would prefer!