Archive for the ‘Spirit’ Category

St. Patrick’s Day

17 March 2021

Today the 17th of March is St. Patrick’s Day.

Two years ago when the bars were open, the streets were full of people celebrating in the ancient Irish tradition of drinking beer.

The namesake of this holiday was a Christian preacher trying to convert the “pagan” Irish. I suppose all that is swept under the rug now. Irish culture today retains many of its ties to its pre-Christian roots.

I may add to this later. The image is from the yellow caboose sitting in the historical park in Old Sacramento.

Thoughts on senior dating

10 March 2021

As my readers may or may not be aware, starting mid-January I have been using several dating sites in an attempt to find some women who would be willing to share some of their time with me.

This is basically the first time in my life that I have attempted anything like this. I am finding it very instructional.

About 1/3 of the U.S. population are single adults. There might be about 1/4 of these caused by divorce and 1/8 of these caused by death of spouse. There are also increasing numbers adopting single living as a way of life.

What I see on the dating sites are mostly a mix of divorced and widowed women. There are a few older women who never married, and when I run across them, I sometimes ask them for their story. My own story may be pieced together from other posts on this blog.

What this means is that a significant number of women I am meeting on line have men in their lives that they used to be married to. They might even be sharing their kids with the guy, to give the kids a chance to spend some time with both their biological parents. I walk into these lives with a combination of no experience with marriage plus my Scientology training, and whether I “fall in love” with her or not, my first impulse is often to see if I can solve or patch up the divorce.

My Scientology training includes what LRH calls the Third Party Law. There is a link to this on my “Shorts” page.

This law states that for a conflict to persist, a third party must be present and actually promoting it.

I get to know some of these women, and find evidence for the existence of third parties in their lives who might have contributed to the breakup of their marriage.

In a situation like that, what’s the ethical thing to do? “Take advantage” of the situation and try to step in as their new boyfriend? Or step back and see if I can help them sort things out and patch the marriage back together?

Either way, with my training I realize that a lot of these broken marriages are being caused by poor decisions fed by bad data on the subject of human relations. Scientology is all about human relations. Most people would benefit from studying it.

The bigger picture

Many commentators and observers, including Hubbard, believe that human culture is under attack in order to weaken it prior to a political takeover. These attacks would certainly include attacks on the traditional family structure.

There is considerable difference of opinion about exactly which social movements or trends are part of this attack:

  1. Feminism/birth control/abortions. Most liberals think that giving women a place in society more on a par with men is a good thing. This has, however, led to breakdowns in traditional child raising structures and moral questions concerning promiscuity and unwanted pregnancies.
  2. Gender issues. “Gender” has come to be defined as one’s attitude about one’s sexual identity. “Sex” now means biological forms and structures. In the absence of any concept of Spirit, I think allowing kids to choose a different gender from their sex is confusing and dangerous for everyone involved. There could be spiritual realities behind such a choice, but if this is not known and explored, it leads the kids to think that they are just the effect of their genes.
  3. Demasculinization of men. There are studies that point to various factors that are decreasing male testosterone levels. This has to do mostly with various man-made substances introduced into our environment. Some think this was done on purpose as part of this cultural attack. It seems to be resulting in more gender confusion and lower sperm counts among men. There are also increasing complaints of erectile dysfunction.
  4. Legal frameworks that tend to “reward” single mothers. These laws have led to an interesting “male rights” movement. They involve various biases or favoritism regarding who gets custody, who owes child support, and how welfare payments are handled.
  5. Psychoactive and other medications. There are many medications which create emotional side effects like irritability, depression, or even violence. These effects could definitely harm a marriage, and are pernicious because they are often assigned to other causes.
  6. Attacks on religion. Religions have been the traditional custodians of family values. If this and other benefits of religious communities are overlooked by the secularists, then their push against churches could lead to extensive cultural decay.

Brave new world

Some believe that a techno-space dystopia is inevitable on Earth. This could come to pass.

But it has been noted by researchers like Hubbard that we on Earth are particularly averse to corporate slavery. That is why we are here on Earth and no longer driving space ships around the galaxy. We didn’t agree with the worlds we were kicked out of; why should we be any different now?

In fact, the population seems nearly evenly split. A huge number seem fine with corporate slavery and the “safety” that results, and the rest despise it to varying degrees.

But I think it is safe to say that the corporate bosses will not leave us alone about this. They are too profit-motivated to let an entire planet of 7 billion people do as it pleases. So it looks like we have a fight on our hands.

May your relationships stay strong and your love powerful! We’re going to need it.

When the Bright Moon Rises – A Review

3 March 2021

Here is my review of this book by Dena Merriam which I have just finished reading. The official publishing date of this book is last year (2020) but I just recently received a copy of it from the author (or her friend) on the condition that I would write a review of it when I finished it.

From its first pages (the Dedication) it is obvious that this book will invite the reader to become involved in some of the more esoteric aspects of ancient spiritual wisdom.

After a brief introduction and Between Lives narrative, it launches into the exquisitely emotional story of a woman named Sundari, who lived the younger years of her life in a half-primitive tribal clan in India which was later forced to join the more robust urban culture growing up along the rivers. That culture was attempting to stay true to the sacred teachings known as the Vedas.

Several chapters later the book shifts its focus to its central story, the life of Zong Shu, last wife of famous Tang dynasty poet Li Bai. I knew nothing of Li Bai until I read this book. And I was quite amazed to discover that this man is an actual historical figure, and considerably revered in China to this day. Dena writes as Shu, one of her past lives. Shu was very involved in Daoism, and was mentored by a teacher who, it is later revealed, also played an important part in the life of Sundari.

During her spiritual training, Shu recalls big chunks of her life as Sundari, as well as other lives in China. And so the theme of the book gradually coalesces. The people of India were know as people of the Sun, while the people of China were known as people of the Moon. A central theme of the book is a “wedding” between the Sun and the Moon (Bright Moon), which reflects Dena’s own longing for a reconciliation between the ancient spiritual traditions of India and China, which she feels could carry the whole planet forward towards an age of peace and spiritual enlightenment.

I must emphasize that this book attempts to accurately portray actual past lifetimes of its author. To my knowledge, there are no other authors (of this planet!) writing memoirs of this type. In my mind, Dena is beginning a whole new literary tradition on Earth. Hopefully her stories will not remain the only examples of this tradition!

Yet these stories stand out for their meaning and relevance. They are carefully crafted, and very much seem to be told from the viewpoint of the roles that Dena played as she lived on Earth. Yet, the prose is very consistent. In each story, it is Dena telling us of her own experiences! Though her name changes in each life, she remains the same being, with the same basic approach to life, the same dreams, the same deep ability to love and feel love.

This book is full of spiritual wisdom and full of poetry! It is not a steamy memoir of passionate romantic liaisons. This is a recounting of Dena’s journey towards spiritual knowledge. The method through which Dena recalls her earlier lifetimes is only lightly covered in these stories. But the value of past life memory to self-understanding is obvious and repeatedly demonstrated.

This same lesson that has been passed on to me by my own spiritual teacher. He has in his turn paid homage to both the Vedas and the Dao in his lectures and writings. He dates the Vedas as 8200 years old, which is not that far off from Dena’s estimate of 11,000 years.

There is also value to this book in terms of theological history and understanding. We should bear in mind that Dena’s stories give us insight into how those traditions were taught and used back in those days. She estimates that her lifetime in India happened approximately 3,000 years ago, which is before the time of any extensive use of written language in that region. Thus Dena gives us a window into details of life and thought in those times. Such details are available through no other known research method.

I experienced these stories as very emotionally powerful. And though the power of these stories could be attributed to the literary skills of their author, there is also the factor that they are true stories. For me, truth always gives an edge to a story, an edge difficult to duplicate in fiction.

My personal reactions to these stories

All of Dena’s stories involve the development of extremely strong bonds between people. These are normally experienced as bonds of love. Though there survives to this day folk wisdom concerning how some people seem to be “meant for each other,” Dena’s stories make it clear that this is no mere saying.

Thus, my recent fierce attachment to a woman 40 years my junior might not be totally explained by the fact that she is very pretty. After all, she felt something special for me as well. With Dena’s writings, we get a chance to explore how relationships can develop over many lifetimes. Thus, the emotions connected with such relationships can be totally excruciating, but their power remains mysterious because the earlier sources of those feelings have been forgotten.

In the central story of this book, a very spiritual younger woman falls in love with an older man who, through extensive travel and social interaction, has found a way to express profound spiritual truths through poems about common experience. In my own recent relationships, there have also been age gaps. Yet in my case the personalities seem somewhat reversed. She is the more adventurous one, freely expressing Spirit while hardly being aware of her own considerable wisdom, while I am the home-bound spiritual scholar who has filled his life with deeply-held feelings rather than extensive adventures. I cried many times as I read this story, particularly towards the end when the older man died, forcing the younger woman to carry on without him.

But I also cried over her compelling desire for a new kind of peace among men. A peace that would be based on love rather than “mutual assured destruction.” The wars that occurred in China during the later part of Li Bai’s life nearly destroyed the previous culture, and terrorized an entire generation with the most perverse atrocities imaginable. And so has war continued to be an abomination in the hands of men.

In closing, I might mention an observation made by the author which I believe to be quite valid: She saw the corruption of the early teachings to be due in part to the decreased ability of Earth people to remember with accuracy, and with an overall decline in psychic ability, which together destroyed the workability of oral tradition in times before language technologies were adequate to preserve the teachings in their original form.

She also noticed that the fall of the Tang dynasty in China coincided with the Dark Ages of Europe, suggesting that something happened planet-wide that “polluted” the spiritual abilities of the people of Earth. This idea that some new suppressive force appeared on the scene around that time is supported by other research.

Here I quote Dena from near the end of the book:

Our identities were not confined to Bai and Shu. We were two souls who had a deep connection, a long and charged history behind us, and a path before us that we could not yet see, but one that likely we would each have to walk alone. We didn’t know if we would come together in the future or not, but it didn’t matter. A deep connection once made never dissipates. because it does not operate in the field of time and space.

Dena Merriam. When the Bright Moon Rises; The Awakening of Ancient Memories.

And so it is! She states here a fundamental truth of life and we should heed her words. How many lifetimes have we all been interacting with each other? We are probably all connected with each other to some extent. And that is worth keeping in mind the next time you’re not sure what to think about another person. Perhaps that person was once someone you deeply loved!

Endless Yearning

3 March 2021

Endless my yearning
To be with you in Ch’ang-an.

Faraway, where chirping crickets
thread autumn songs
around the well’s gold rail,
coldly I sit, cramped
on a bamboo mat
crusted with blue frost.

Dim is the light from my only lamp,
darkly ablaze my longing for you.
Lifting the curtain, I stare

hard at the moon.
Helplessly, I sigh and sigh, longing
to smell the flower-scent of a woman
who dwells far from me
as the remotest cloud at sky’s end.

Above, the night climbs
into boundless black.
Below, the river tosses up
billows of darkest green.

Must heaven be so high?
Earth so vast?

Between them, my unfed soul
flies over a road that even in my dreams
is blocked at every mountain pass.

This endless yearning
Breaks my heart!

Li Bai, about 750 A.D. as translated by Stanton Hager in 2018

Seven Daffodils

2 March 2021

Seven golden daffodils, shining in the sun
They light our way to evening, when the day is done
And I can give you music, and a crust of bread
A pillow of piney boughs to rest your head


I Visit My Hometown

26 February 2021

In recent weeks I have made a couple of visits to the Bay Area. They involved multiple facets of experience. Though I live with them all jumbled together (as we all do) I will try here to separate them out a bit.

The trip

Not too long ago, I discovered a commuter bus that makes a few trips each weekday all the way from Sacramento (Amtrak station) to the Pleasant Hill BART station. Connecting to BART then gives me access to a huge region (commonly known as the Bay Area).

Senior fare on the bus is only $2.50. I have taken the early morning bus both times. On the first I was the only passenger out of Sacramento and on the second I was one of two. It picks up a few more at subsequent stops. Coming back around 2:45 in the afternoon, there are usually six or eight. Most of them get off at Fairfield or Vacaville.

At the Pleasant Hill BART station.

The trip takes about 2 hours. It is pleasant, usually. I use the time to read the latest book by Dena Merriam. I have promised her to write a review when I am finished!

A new friend

I have met a woman who lives in Pittsburg. She wanted to meet me in person but can’t drive. So I decided to see how practical it would be to visit her. The entire travel time round trip from my house to her house is about 6 hours. So this is a bit rough for a single-day meeting, but more workable if I can stay overnight.

Parking lot at the Bay Point station where she lives.

My past

I have a lot of emotional attachment to my home town. It is the only place where I have made friendships with girls or women that ever amounted to anything. I feel more “at home” there. Go figure!

Last Friday I visited the place of my birth, 2120 Spaulding. I was surprised to find it under renovation!

A lot of buildings in this area of Berkeley are being preserved, while others have been knocked down and replaced with new construction, often apartments. I found an impression on a sidewalk in the area dated 1922. So many buildings in this area are about 100 years old now.

Fresher in my mind is the time I spent as a boy in the Berkeley Hills. These hills are a prominent visual feature of this area. When I first saw them on the BART before it went underground to go through Berkeley, I cried.

I returned to Berkeley in 1976 and lived there for about 5 years. The BART was running then, and I used it a lot. On this visit, I retraced my steps along the streets I knew so well back then, and thought a bit of the people I used to know.

Skylight in the North Berkeley BART.

I used to shop at the Co-op supermarket. It has now been transformed into a little urban Target…

Next door was the Co-op Credit Union. Now it is a Mexican restaurant where I enjoyed an early lunch of tacos and horchata. I had to eat them outside, but the weather was very nice.

I used to live in an apartment building at 1951 Chestnut. It, too, has been renovated.

I was on the third floor, this side, and had a very nice view of the city. Across the street was a “quadruplex” (four apartments in one building). A memorable event in my early adult Berkeley life was when a new woman moved into the upper right apartment and walked through her new abode clothesless, apparently unaware that she could be seen from my building!

Across the street from my building was the Finnish Hall, and next to it was a house that included a rear separated apartment, not uncommon in these neighborhoods.

This is where my friend Lenora Warkentin (an accomplished flutist) lived. My second girlfriend also played the flute, as have several other girls or women who I have found attractive over the years!

The gardens of Berkeley are know for their exuberant messiness and colors. This is a perfect time of year to catch many flowers blooming. I also saw several hummingbirds.

Eucalyptus flowers.

On this trip I visited Orinda. As children, on our drives through the tunnel to visit the Piersons in Walnut Creek (now Lafayette) we passed by Orinda probably hundreds of times, but never stopped there.

It has a touristy feel to it, yet most people there this day seemed to be locals. The “theater” actually functions as a food court. It is very cute.

I stopped by a Peet’s Coffee to get a sweet snack, and found this display in their store.

“My parents had a Chemex!” I told the barista. He was surprised, and didn’t know the design was that old. It is in fact older than I am, having been invented in 1941.


The COVID scare hangs over our planet like a dark storm cloud. It seems so out of place in the sunny springtime of my hometown! The population of the planet were set up for this, and most have fallen for the mainstream story hook, line and sinker.

Here a young mom helps her little one play in the park, wearing a mask! This is so unnecessary it almost makes me sick.

Most people in the Bay Area wear masks everywhere. I even saw a young lady out running in a mask! There are signs everywhere stating that this is our civic duty. It reminds me of a notable episode of The Prisoner (TV show) where the hero was being pressured to conform to meaningless “community standards.” Those writers knew what this was all about! They had probably read 1984 (even if I haven’t)!

I have to keep my mask on while on public transportation, so that meant hours wearing the terrible thing while riding the bus and BART. Cruel and unusual punishment.

Expanding slowly into a “new” future

The BART trains are some of the most futuristic transit vehicles I have seen in any western city. Every door is bent to fit the contour of the car, an enormous engineering complication that the Sacramento light rail does not share.

BART has been running long trains every half hour. Sacramento has been running short trains every 15 minutes. I prefer the Sacramento approach. I have not been on BART during rush hour, but it used to be VERY crowded at those times of day.

I am not familiar with BART’s setup, but all these public transit systems are heavily subsidized by taxpayer dollars, and so have the income to employ drivers, mechanics, etc., even though there are practically no riders. This is a very strange situation for me to watch, since it makes so little sense economically, yet I rely on these systems to get around.

Such systems are part of the “new normal” of corporate hegemony on Earth. They (including our governments, which after all are corporations, too, and operate on a similar pattern) invest in what they want to invest in to suit their corporate plans. The population is persuaded to follow along. Like lambs to the slaughter.

More and more land and housing is in corporate hands. My friend lives in relatively new “apartment homes” like those in the photo below. Such large developments are all over the Bay Area.

Spirit sighs

Dena Merriam’s latest book covers four different lifetimes of a woman seeking high spiritual awareness. I am only half way through it.

The first lifetime happens in Vedic India, 900 years BC. Dena is a member of a wild jungle clan that retreats to an urban area in the face of invaders. There she meets a Brahmin who she falls in love with but cannot marry due to his vows of celibacy.

Later she finds herself in China in the 700s, a woman friend of famous Tang poet Li Bai. Li seems to be the reincarnation of the Brahmin she knew 1600 years earlier. In this life she learns all about the Dao. The book then traces her earlier experiences in China.

These stories speak to me! They speak of great longing, great sadness, and great love for self, for another, for children and parents, for community, mankind and the natural world. I have shared bits of these stories with my best friend. She is touched by them, but also confused. Most of us had no idea that our experience could be so vast and varied! I consider this awareness key to solving our problems here on Earth. If the enemies of Spirit can keep this awareness from growing sufficiently here, they will win and have us as their slaves. Although many of us would rebel and move on, it seems clear that large numbers are fully prepared for this “new” form of slavery and are completely willing to embrace it.

And so I sigh!

Reflections off a new building cast a pattern on a neighboring wall.

Pairing Up

17 February 2021

In recent weeks I have been devoting considerable amounts of my time to corresponding online (or by phone chat – same difference) with a variety of women (I hope they’re all women!) in the search for companionship in the face of an enforced loneliness.

On Silver Singles I have met a woman from South Sacramento who hopes to wrap up her regular work in a few more years and buy her own condo. She has actually met with me, but wore a mask the whole time!

I met a woman from Richmond who encouraged me to publish my own book.

I met a woman who thanked me for being honest about the fact that I am a Scientologist, which disqualified me from her list of possibilities.

I met a woman who didn’t want to meet outside because it’s too cold.

On eHarmony I met a Christian woman who finally figured out that I wasn’t a Christian.

I met a hairdresser and artist in Portland who enjoyed reading my blog but wants to stay put so will continue to look for a match closer to home.

And I met a lady who works in HR for UC-Berkeley who enjoys talking with me and really would like to meet, but (like myself) doesn’t drive and is in fact a bit reluctant to go out.

On Age Match I met a young black woman who was born in London but is currently staying with her family in Ghana. She enjoyed reading my blog and directed me to her blog, but we have a hard time staying connected because of the time difference.

I have met several young and middle-aged woman who seem to long for a lasting relationship to replace a previous one that ended poorly. A few of these have become very devoted to us meeting, and call me “honey” or “babe.” But several of them have asked me for money for various reasons, or requested assistance for financial transactions. And others act offended when I tell them that I continue to chat with other women.

I met a woman from Fresno who just likes to get with men for a little sexual fun and has no real need for marriage but is quite willing to speak quite frankly about her sexuality.

I met anther young woman who seems to be stuck in North Carolina caring for her grandmother, surrounded by men who only notice her for her youth and full figure, is financially challenged and just wants to find a way out of her current situation.

Beauty and the beast, a story of the magic in love.

Meeting strangers on the internet

This age of social media has nurtured a culture of online “con artists” who seek to make a living off the gullibility of others.

The basic con follows an age-old pattern: Pretend you are someone you aren’t. Convince the target (“mark” or “stooge”) that you need their help or are offering something of value, obtain money or goods from them, then disappear.

The internet has only made this easier and easier to do.

Thus, the first question most of us have when we meet a stranger online is: Are they who they say they are?

The Profile

All social media accounts include a profile, often including one or more profile pictures. This is where most of us start in our efforts to ascertain if this person is real.

A skimpy, shoddy, brush off or otherwise odd profile is the first sign of an attempt to deceive. The scammer can steal photos and life data from other accounts, or totally steal the account of a real person. The sloppiest profiles remain fairly obvious. An odd name, an age that doesn’t match the face, an obscure location, just a few posts, all made on the same day. A bunch of friends with African names. These are the “hallmarks” of a scammer.

The profiles that seemed more unique, individualistic, and expressive are signs of genuine people.


The next give-away is poor English.

Some scammers seek to explain their poor language skills by claiming they are French, German or Spanish. While this is always a possibility, they are often posing as someone who you would expect to be well-educated, so this excuse can often seem dubious.

They may also ask you questions that make it obvious they did not bother to study your profile.


Criminals often project without realizing it.

Most criminals lie or act deceptively and are not trustworthy.

They will often claim to you that they have been lied to or mistreated, and that they are not sure they can trust you. They may seek to obtain useful information from you with the excuse that they are doing it to build trust.

They will express fear or suspiciousness at things you do that you consider normal, like the fact that you are not devoting all of your time to them, or in your attempts to verify who they really are.

They may be unwilling to share pictures of the room they live in, or tell you much about their personal lives.

They will probably try to impress you with alluring pictures rather than genuine facts.

They will not be able to refer you to more data about them elsewhere online.

The real need for intimacy

Real people, bless their souls, are quite often willing to share intimate details about their lives online if they trust you to respond with understanding and kindness.

I have learned some truly amazing things from the women I have met online. And so, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything, even with the trouble caused by scammers.

Whether I ever meet these girls or not, I like to think that they consider the chance to share some of their life with another person as a valuable experience for them, and I try to make their conversations with me enjoyable and sweet, even educative if they seem open to that.

I mention Scientology to all of my online contacts, and a few of them seem genuinely interested.

On top of that, I have met a few people during this process that I knew earlier in my life and who I was very happy to reconnect with. Some of them say they remember me or that I meant something to them, even though they did not express that back then. And I often have a similar sentiment.

We all have past loves, now lost, and these connections often give us a chance to tell someone those stories. Those of us who are up to the challenge understand the value of this sharing and welcome it. It is only the scammers who may react with shock or jealousy, or the insistence that we put all that behind us.

A clear lesson I have learned is that we bring all our prior loved ones forward with us. We can see them merely as lost opportunities, or we can see them as part of a growing family of spiritual connections that is there to nurture us and keep us strong as we make our ways through life.

Every friendship, no matter how brief, has value. Intimacy with another is almost always worth seeking and is at the core of what we sometimes call “brotherly love.” Don’t shy from it!

A teenage couple cuddle on the train.

My Brave

24 January 2021

This is an extremely short story that I decided to write very early this morning.

It has been so difficult to forgive myself!

…He was such a beautiful man. And I was at that age when the body screams at me every day, “It is your time! It is your time!”

He had trained to be a warrior, as most of our men did. He was tested in the hunt. Could he work together with the other braves? Could he keep his aim true without flinching? Did he have the strength to hold the animal down if they needed to bleed it to end its life? Could he avoid being hurt by his mount, by his bow, by the hazards along the trail?

They always returned with their catch beaming. But to me it seemed he beamed the most.

And so it was that one day I approached him while he was making new arrows, and we spoke together.

I was the Chief’s eldest daughter. My parents expected me to choose, and to choose well.

He was of a family we were not that close to. It was a large camp, hundreds of families. But even as children he had caught my eye. And we had played together a bit.

And so, with my body screaming, we spoke quietly together. And he said yes.

Our camp’s strength and success did not go unnoticed by the bands who lived in the valley. We had taken our location above the canyon but a few years ago. And though our hunting territories really didn’t overlap that much, the bands in the lowlands saw us as potential competitors.

One Spring day, a group of them had ridden up the narrow trail to visit us, and had demanded to speak with my father. After that, my father decided to post lookouts above the trail, so that he could be forewarned if they ever decided to return.

My brave was one of the young men assigned to this.

Not long before this, I had informed my parents of my choice. My father seemed to approve.

But when he assigned my brave to a watch, I complained.

We had made a habit of staying up with each other on evenings when he was in the camp. And he would pet me and promise me a child soon after we were formally joined. I longed for that day! And my body screamed for that day!

But when he was named to be a lookout, he had to sleep early so that he could stay alert until he was relieved. And so I lost his sweet caresses, and I complained to my father.

“Why him, father? We are close to being wed, and I miss his nightly visits terribly!”

“Patience, child,” he had responded. “We must be vigilant now, as the valley tribes have threatened us. And your brave must participate in keeping our camp secure. He does not yet have family responsibilities.”

I understood, but still: My body screamed!

One afternoon I caught him making arrows, as I had when we had first agreed.

“I miss you so!” I pleaded to him. “Please come visit me as you used to!”

He looked at me with that incredible warm smile, which was the reason I had chosen him, and he assured me, “I miss you, too. I miss you very much!”

Did his body scream too, as mine did? He kissed me and I sensed a tremble in him, in every part of him.

That night I was surprised when he came to me at my fire.

“I couldn’t sleep. I so much wanted to see you and touch you as we used to!”

And so we sat together until it was his time to leave. And though there was a chill in the air, he made me feel so warm, so full of life.

And that was our last night together.

Lifetimes have gone by since that night. It took me so long to remember!

In each life I passed through I carried a burden with me that I could never explain. I would break down sobbing over the silliest little things. The grief seemed so real, and yet its origin was a total mystery.

Until this life, when I finally did remember.

It was an amazing experience. I don’t know who he is now, or where he is. But in that moment of remembering I connected with him once again, and I learned the rest of the story, his side of it.

Yes, what else should we have expected? He had fallen asleep during his watch.

And if his watch had been on any other day, he might have dosed, then roused himself and found nothing more than a quiet and peaceful night.

But on this night, things went differently.

He awoke instead to the smell of smoke, and death. Down on the trail there were still some men from the valley making their way up to our camp. But the bulk of them had already arrived. And with their hatchets they had spread out quickly, and had sought out and scalped many of our braves. They were organized and methodical, and the camp was quickly rendered defenseless. After that initial sweep, they set each tent ablaze, and caught each woman or child or elder as they ran out, and murdered them.

And in this way, I died that night.

But my brave lived.

He hid himself and so escaped the fray. It was his camp, but it was also his life. He knew that to rise and fight would mean his death, too.

When all was done, he traveled inland by foot, found another camp, and pleaded with them to let him live with them, if only to help the women pound acorns or dry out the meat for winter. And so he survived, though it was, he assured me, a personal hell.

He told me that in each subsequent life, after his first romantic encounter, he would develop trouble sleeping. No matter whether he was man or woman that life.

And he said that he was very relived to meet me again in spirit; that he, too, had been haunted by a longing and a sorrow that he could never put his finger on.

Could I forgive him?

I told him, yes.

And now: Can I forgive myself?

So many died for my passion!

I still feel so ashamed!

But yes, perhaps, it is time for forgiveness.

A photograph for you! From years ago, a special kind of bird…


22 January 2021

I searched in vain among my own photographs for an image conveying the action of helping. I had to resort to the work of other photographers to find any.

Is the simple action of helping really that rare in my recorded experience? Dare I say … yes?

30 years ago

It was about thirty years ago that my mother died. I remember getting the call from my dad, who was in the hospital, as he had been hurt in the accident, too.

I was 36. I was working in a half-basement office on a special project for my church. We were busy all day long. But my supervisor let me go out and take a walk after I got the call, and I said goodbye to Mom as best I could.

It didn’t hit me right away. And it never really hit that hard. But finally I realized that Mom had been standing in as my closest female friend for all those years. And now she wouldn’t be able to do that any more. I needed to find a new close friend.

But, that’s not the point of this post. The simple fact is that, for one reason or another, I began to get more emotional after Mom passed. And it got to the point where I pissed off people every once in a while. And when that happened, I would really wish I had someone to talk to. But no one really ever showed up.

A promise

So I made a promise to myself, that if the tables ever turned and I could see that someone I knew was upset and could use some company, I’d do my best to take a break and be there for them.

Well, I did occasionally run into someone waiting for a bus or sitting on a train who appreciated an attentive ear. But the only extreme situations I ran into in later years were after the fires and hurricanes that have been part of life, and that I helped with relief efforts on in 2018. And though there was some emotional suffering involved, my task was to help clean up the physical destruction so that the person or family or church could start over.

I started co-auditing in 2019. It was a real challenge for me, but the emotions were not usually that extreme.

Then came the lockdowns.

The tables turn back

My new young friend got hit very hard last summer by some difficult events. But she has been determined (!!!) to sort through it herself. I have extended my hand in every way I could think of. But it was only OK, or so it seemed to me, if it was her helping me, and then only when she could spare some time. She told me she was suffering, but she never asked for my help. I told her I was suffering and I did ask for her help, but not too emphatically, because I knew she was suffering more.

Yep. It was me, again, who needed help. And it was me, again, who was having a hard time finding any. Well, it was my promise, wasn’t it? It wasn’t anyone else’s promise to me.

I’ve been reading that the isolation has been hitting people pretty hard. The ones who failed for some reason to have a sufficient support network in place before this all went down. And that’s the way it is, isn’t it? In this society anyway. We’re all expected to take care of ourselves. It’s not exactly the case that anyone (like parents) stands around and makes sure this happens. But that is what’s expected. And it’s best that way, isn’t it? Stiff upper lip and all that. We worship the rugged individual, don’t we? Especially in the U.S.

Well, I don’t feel much like being a rugged individual any more, if I ever did. I cry every night and plead to my friend’s ex-Teddy Bear to help me get some real human company back into my life.

It seems to me that it wouldn’t be that difficult, if you knew that a friend – even an acquaintance – was alone and suffering, to arrange to come over and visit, or take regular walks with them. Or something!

More images of help – all animals

Since when are animals better at helping each other than human beings? How did it get that way?

Plus this girl, who was working at a clinic for injured raptors…


Far Sight

20 January 2021

For several reasons, I think it’s time to talk about remote viewing.

I’m not going to get into whether it’s cool or not or its origins or limitations.

It is a method for obtaining data what would otherwise be very difficult to obtain.

And Courtney has found a way to present his results that is entertaining and useful.

You can watch the trailers for all his major projects, plus selected full projects (mostly from years ago) at his open site, the Farsight Institute. His paid site, Farsight Prime, contains the full versions of all recent major projects, a lot of other material, plus comments and a forum for some social interaction.

With his paid site (plus donations) Courtney is currently supporting at least five viewers who are working rather intensely on a constant stream of projects.

Courtney and what he has uncovered

Courtney works as an assistant professor at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. His academic work focuses on using robust mathematics to model socio-political systems.

He has also been into meditation, remote viewing and related work since around 1990. He is about 2 years older than I am. In the past ten years or so, he has really beefed up his remote viewing activities (he is the project manager and trainer) and discovered all sorts of important data about Earth and human experience. He is intensely involved in this work and believes that it is needed in order to save us from being overwhelmed by external forces that we are not currently adequately aware of.

His findings align very well with Hubbard’s research findings, which is one reason I support his work. I find his theory about how and why remote viewing works over-complicated, but after all he is deep into higher math. We will not be discussing that aspect of his work here.

Farsight and the lockdown

I had stopped following Courtney’s work a couple years ago on advice of my ethics officer. But when my church was closed, I was going crazy trying to find ways to keep myself occupied, so I re-engaged with his work and subscribed to his paid site.

In the time I had been away he had discovered some really amazing stuff! (Not that amazing to me, but then, I’m a Scientologist.) I was truly impressed by where he had taken his work, and how close in he was getting to some major facts of life here on Earth.

I list his more recent projects later. But what I want to concentrate on in this post are his viewers. These young people are all worthy of your respect in their own right. And his four female viewers (more coming soon?) are all physically very pretty as well as having great personalities. I ascribe this in no small part to the discipline required to do this work. At this point, the group is an incredible team that is obviously working closely together and enjoying it.


Aziz is Courtney’s son, and the first young person he trained as a viewer. I don’t know what Aziz does professionally, but as a viewer he is especially strong at confronting the evil and vile actions that beings can commit against each other. His presentations are commonly direct and chilling.


PrinCess Jeaneé was the first young woman that Courtney trained. She is now a mom and also works as a trainer. She has been through a LOT of projects with Courtney, including the MLK assassination. She is very good at connecting with people and “making friends” with beings who would seem cold and heartless to most of us. She has done some very emotional presentations, as has Aziz.


Melena Hall was focusing on being a makeup artist before she hooked up with Farsight. In earlier projects she used to furnish a lot of color illustrations to help expand on the crude sketches done by other viewers. But now they mostly draw on a light board, and no other drawings are included in the presentations. She is a very methodical viewer.


Trudy Benjamin was doing modeling and other work before joining Farsight, and still does. She normally maintains what I might refer to as an exceptional appearance on camera. Her descriptions are always engaged but matter-of-fact. She doesn’t over-perform. I like her choice of clothes. (!!)


Kahmia Dunson has been operating for some time as “modern afro hippie.” She is a model and deserves to be, with an usually pretty face and very nice figure. She has a “style” in her presentations that is sort of flippant and amused. She doesn’t like to describe subjects as “dead” the way Aziz or Melena might. She prefers “not there” or other descriptions that expose their spiritual and emotional state. She’s very into spiritual stuff, has a ton of admirers, and generally speaking is awfully attractive. Wish I knew more girls like that!

The projects and the story

Let’s go ahead and list a bunch of Courtney’s projects:

  • Exploding Planet – Maldek
  • Great Giza Pyramid
  • Atlantis
  • JFK assassination
  • MLK assassination
  • Hitler
  • 9/11
  • Mars base
  • Aliens on Mars
  • Aliens on Iapetus
  • The Phoenix Lights
  • Roswell
  • Area 51
  • Tunguska
  • War in Heaven
  • Moses
  • Secret Moon Missions
  • Oumuamua
  • Death Traps (Between Lives)
  • Where We Came From
  • Human Leadership Compromised (Popes)
  • Zeus
  • Pandemic Origin
  • Göbekli Tepe
  • Eye of the Sahara
  • origin of Star Wars idea
  • Ra (Egypt)
  • Dinosaurs and the Extinction Event
  • Reptilians Past and Present

This isn’t even all of them.

I don’t know if you can see the pattern here, but basically he was finding ET involvement in almost every major event his viewers looked at. Not the political assassinations particularly, nor 9/11. But just about everything else.

Courtney was contacting ET entities starting very early in his remote viewing work, when he was doing viewing himself. He managed to form some sort of relationship with one of their councils. He adamantly believes that there are some ET groups that would be willing to help us with some of the other ET groups if we demonstrate that we are worthy of help. Are we?

So even though Courtney is deadly serious about his work, this particular post is more about the entertainment value of his work. Look at these handsome and beautiful young viewers! What a treat to watch them work! I’m in love all over again!